


Nobody But You

by bumblebitch



Category: Original Work
Genre: AU - No Valerie, Suicide Attempt, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 12:13:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11148171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumblebitch/pseuds/bumblebitch
Summary: A little AU where Valerie never resurfaces within Lucas. Trigger warning for attempted suicide.





	Nobody But You

The feeling that Lucas had dreaded had returned. 

The feeling that he's not wanted. The feeling that the only part of him anyone cares about is Val. 

There's almost nothing left of her anyway, so what's the point?

He thinks. He knows his thoughts are most likely untrue, but right now, he didn't care. 

Mom lied through her teeth when she said she wanted to start over. She wants her other daughter back.

Drew lied to my face when he said he indebted to me for saving him. He wants me gone and he knows it 

Angel lied when she said that she didn't care what gender I was. All she ever wanted was a sister. 

And worst of all…

Skylar lied about loving me for who I was. She proved that to me the last time we made “love.” The only thing she likes about me is my body. 

He had enough. But he wasn't mad about anything. He himself felt guilty for making them feel like this by, as he put it, taking Valerie away from them. 

He looked in the other rooms to check if everyone was asleep. Skylar and Drew lived with him and Angel lived with Elaine next door. 

He finished writing the note at about quarter to six that morning. He left it on the table and left through the back door as to make no noise. 

Skylar woke up the next morning, unsure of where Lucas was.

“Drew, do you know where Lucas went? He wasn't next to me when I woke up.”

“I don't know. Oh, a note.”

“What does it say?”

Skylar immediately regretted her curiosity as she felt her heart drop to the ground once she started reading. 

Skylar, Drew, Angel, Mom,

I'm writing this to apologize. I know you all loved Val and do a good job of making it look like you don't care that's she's not here and I am. You see her when you look at me. You're hiding nothing. You all hate me, and I know it. 

To Angel, I'm sorry about taking your sister from you. I know you want your sister back more than anything else in the world, and I can't give that back to you. And I'm infinitely sorry for that. 

To Mom, I know that you knew I was trans and that you were most likely ashamed of me, that you didn't want to have to live with this around you. I'm sorry for, in your eyes, bringing shame to you. 

To Drew, I know that you are still reeling from losing Val. She was your best friend, the sister you never had, your other half. I'll never forgive myself for taking her from you.  
Skylar, oh Skylar, I am so sorry for robbing you of your one true love. You saw Val as your light, your one light, and the knowledge that I put out that light kills me inside. If there's splotches on the page, I was crying as I wrote this. 

I can't help but feel guilty about taking her away from you. I know we're one and the same, but she's gone. I'm a different person from her in so many ways. And I'm sorry for taking her out of your lives. 

So I figured that the best way to fix the situation, at least somewhat, would be to take myself out. You'll finally be rid of me. It's great isn't it?

Farewell,

Lucas

Skylar's mouth dropped open as she stared at the paper in shock.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god, LUCAS!” Drew was pacing back and forth, tears falling from his eyes.

But nobody was hit as hard by it as Skylar. 

She sat there, staring at it, tears silently flowing. 

“We need to look for him.”

They checked every room in the house. Angel knocked on the door and Skylar rushed to answer it.

“Hey, Sky. Fuck, what happened?”

“Read this,” she said, in hysterics. 

Angel read the note and her attitude altered completely. She went from bubbly and happy to shattered and distressed. 

“We're already tearing this place up looking for him. A little help would be great.”

The three tore the house up looking for him, but there was no sign of him anywhere. Elaine saw them storm out of the house and asked what was wrong.

“What's going on?”

‘Lucas, he-the note, and-he said he-”

“Spit it out!”

“Read this.”

Elaine skimmed through the note and felt her heart stop. 

“Oh, oh my god. He thinks we don't love him?”

“I was shocked. He thinks we hate him because he’s trans, and he thinks he killed Val.”

Skylar felt her heart burn and tried not to cry. She remained focused on looking for him. 

They were on a beach when they found an arm sticking out from behind a rock. Fresh cuts were pouring blood onto the now black sand. 

“Lucas?”

Skylar ran to the body on the ground. And sure enough, it was Lucas. Pouring blood from the cuts on his arms, eyes half lidded. 

“Sky...Skylar...I can...fix this…”

“Don't you fucking dare,” whispered Drew. 

“Lucas, why? I love you! Why would you do this?” Skylar whispered to him, still in hysteria. 

“You're….you're just...saying that...you don't…..want me…”

Lucas tried and failed to pull away from her with the little strength that he had.

“Lucas, I mean it. I need you. We all need you.”

Lucas snapped.

“You think I can't see right through you? I know you want Val instead of me. I know what you think about me. You think I don't hear you ‘silently’ confessing how much you miss her. You're only here because you don't want my blood on your hands.”

Skylar was shocked. 

“I never complained about getting stuck with you. I love you more than words can describe. They tagged along because you're special to them. We don't know what we'd do without you. Please hang on.”

Lucas lifted his arms with what little strength he had and wrapped them around her, staining her shirt with blood. Skylar cut her own sleeves off and bandaged his arms. She lifted him, bridal style, and carried him back to his mother's house. 

He lied there in the spare bedroom, staring wide eyed at the ceiling. Elaine stepped in at about ten o'clock to check on Lucas. 

“What do you want?”

He spat weakly, with as much venom as he could muster. 

She stayed silent. 

“Why couldn't you let me do this one thing for you? I know you wanted this! Why couldn't you just let me die?”

“You want to know why, Lucas? Because I'm your mother and I love you. The only reason I was never there with you was because I was scared I would ruin you in some way. I care about you too much to mess up. I wanted to start over now that you've been raised by someone capable. Please don't take that away from me.”

Lucas was shocked. She has never told him why she was never there, and he assumed that she was ashamed of him. But he was wrong. She was afraid of raising him the wrong way. She thought she would do a bad job of raising him. 

“Let me make it up to you, my son.”

She kissed him on the head, and he let her. He knew that she nearly lost someone special to her, and wanted to start a new relationship with her. Not as friends, but as family. 

Skylar walked in the room that night. Lucas had the TV on, his phone blowing up with messages. 

He was too busy in detachment from the world to pay attention. 

Skylar shook him out of it. His head snapped up to look at her. 

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

They hugged as Skylar climbed onto the bed beside him. 

“I want you to make sure of something.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Never think about taking your own life, knowing what you'll leave behind. I love you too much to let you go and leave the rest of us here without you. I wouldn't know how to live anymore.”

“You should never have to feel like you're obligated to take your own life if I do. And I'm sorry for before. I always thought that you loved Val more than you love me.”

“Yes, I loved Val. No question. But once she left, she gave me someone even better. Someone who I could tell everything. Someone who was practically my twin. Someone who thinks everyone deserves a second chance. I love you, Lulu. Never forget it.”

They kissed as the beat of their hearts in unison lulled the two to sleep. 

He was her light, her one true light, and she wouldn't let him go that easily...


End file.
